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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24376639">Of hugs and fears.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sillyhuman/pseuds/sillyhuman'>sillyhuman</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora/Catra is Canon (She-Ra), Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hugs, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:07:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24376639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sillyhuman/pseuds/sillyhuman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Adora feels the weight of the battle and years of psychological abuse getting to her in the aftermath of the war against Horde Prime. Luckily, Catra is right there to make her feel better.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora &amp; Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Of hugs and fears.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You're worth more than what you can give to other people. You deserve love, too."</p><p>Adora couldn't seem to stop thinking about those words. Mara said that to her. Well, it was actually an hologram, in her own mind. Did that mean Adora was telling it to herself? And if so, why was it so hard to believe?</p><p>Since she was in the Horde Shadow Weaver didn't fail to remind her  the most important thing was to succeed. If she didn't succeed she wouldn't mean anything. So she did it, she succeeded. She won the war, she killed Horde Prime, and she saved the lives of many across the universe. And yet she didn't feel good with herself.</p><p>Adora was sitting on her bed at the castle, knees tight to her chest. Her eyes lost the brightness that gave so many people hope and now resembled the sea at night.<br/>
Melancholic, calm, dark.</p><p>What was she supposed to do now? She didn't have a purpose anymore. She wasn't useful. She wasn't good enough. How could she be loved when she was so... unworthy.</p><p>She squeezed the bed sheets, while her mind tried to bring her back to good memories.<br/>
Catra was the one good thing that came up to her first.<br/>
She would be there for her every night. She had a bed of her own, obviously, but when the lights went out two fluorescent eyes were always getting near her as quietly as possible, to try and not get caught. She lied down at the feet of the bed, sometimes they whispered about all and nothing, other nights they just found comforting the presence of one another. Even when they fought about Shadow Weaver, about Catra's fear of Adora abandoning her or even the stupidest accident that happened with the rest of their friends, when the only sound that could be heard was the snoring of the other cadets, they would still sleep with each other.</p><p>But now? Why wasn't she with her? She needed her.</p><p>Catra was back; she redeemed herself and proved everyone that doubted her wrong. Catra was at the same castle as her, laying in a bed too comfortable to be real probably tearing apart the colorful pillows with her claws. Maybe she was crying, trying to forget Horde Prime and what he had done to her. Feeling guilty for all the people she herself had hurt.</p><p>And now Adora couldn't stop fidgeting in a chaos of fears and worries. She wanted to give her friend, her lover, the space she needed. She didn't want to be suffocating. Catra had made it clear when they were on the ship that she didn't like Adora's struggles to get close to her again. But then she confessed her love and kissed her again and again.</p><p>What did she want from Adora? How could she be useful for her?</p><p>Did she want to be cuddled and be reminded of the love the blonde felt towards her? Or did she need to be alone to figure out who she was and what was best for herself?<br/>
Adora spent so many days back when they were in the Horde staying by Catra’s side, always protecting her and respecting her even when her decisions made her look more like a scared kitten than a grown child.<br/>
Shouldn't she know how to comfort Catra?</p><p>Feeling like she failed her, Adora got up to her feet quickly. She didn't bother to wear shoes as she marched on the cold floor direct to her friend’s room.<br/>
It didn't even take her twenty seconds to arrive at the door but with each step she took the knot in her throat became bigger and bigger, so while trembling she opened the big door she couldn't even manage to say a word to announce her presence in the room.</p><p>She opened her mouth, she really tried to force words out of her throat. She was at the threshold of Catra’s room looking like an absolute mess and not being able to say a single thing, and if the situation couldn’t be more awful it also was the middle of the night. How did it seem to her a good idea? How could she be so stupi-</p><p>"Adora?"</p><p>When she looked up from the floor (she didn't even notice she was looking down) she was immediately greeted by the familiar blue and yellow eyes.<br/>
She couldn't see much apart from the other's eyes, but as they squinted, Adora understood Catra was worried about her.<br/>
Slowly, still tired from the fighting and the many emotions she had to deal with in these days, Catra  got up from the floor. And walked to her.  Why was she sleeping on the floor anyway? She recognized her... but she still walked slowly as many doubts flowed in her mind.<br/>
Adora couldn’t almost see anything, but if the room were brighter she would notice Catra was looking as upset as herself.</p><p>"Adora, is everything alright?" she continued, letting her hand slip in the one of the blonde, tightening the grip on her when she noticed she was actually shaking. </p><p>The taller fought against the need to admit that no, she wasn't alright. She wasn't alright and all she wanted to do in that moment was to flood the castle with her tears and bury her thoughts on the seabed so that they could never cross her mind again.<br/>
But she tightens the grip on Catra's hand while trying to connect again with this world. As she cleared her face from the tears, that even she didn't know were falling, she put on a crooked smile.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm-" a long deep breath didn't help to stabilize her voice, as every word she pronounced felt like she wasn't going to make it to the end of the phrase "I'm alright."</p><p>Catra's fluffy ears pointed down, her eyes locked on Adora’s as she wouldn't break the gaze until she'd have the answer she wanted. She didn't have the expression she put on when Lonnie criticized her, when she was ready to attack her for an only wrong word as her tail got all swollen and she began to snorting to alert she was on her fight or flight mode, but she didn't look less frightening. Adora thought they would stay like this until sunrise, but Catra looked away and took a few steps back putting distance between the two.</p><p>"Why did you come here to lie to my face?" Catra said those words quickly, fearing the answer.</p><p>Adora felt the frustration radiate from her friend and actually began to get scared of being thrown out the room. After all she interrupted her dreams.<br/>
"I wanted to see if you were okay" she spurted out, now taking herself a step forward to cancel their distance.</p><p>"Oh..."</p><p>"With everything that happened... I mean this place is new to you, I thought you would feel lonely or... or out of place. I felt lonely and out of place the first night here." she continued to ramble taking with every word a step towards Catra until she was right in front of her. She didn't dare to make a physical contact, waiting for a reaction.</p><p>"That's very... thank you, Adora" Catra whispered, looking down to hide her bright red cheeks. Adora couldn't see them in the dark anyway.</p><p>The feline took her hand in hers again and guided her to the bed. As Adora laid down, under the warm sheets, Catra turned around a few times to find a perfect spot to sleep. When she found it, Adora forced herself to close her eyes and sleep, because she had done the right thing coming to Catra. Once again, she succeeded. Would she be able to sleep though? Wouldn’t her fears haunt her in her sleep?<br/>
This time she didn’t let thoughts worry her however, as Catra's tail caressed her legs while wandering around, soothing her.</p><p>"What's on your mind, Adora?" she asked, starting a conversation Adora didn't want to deal with it. Or maybe she did, but felt too tired to do so.</p><p>"Nothing. Let's sleep, please."</p><p>"Adora." she urged.</p><p>"I... Well, Mara, a hologram of the last She Ra, long story, told me something."</p><p>"What did she tell you to make you this distraught?" she heard Catra blow, wrinkling her nose.</p><p>"She told me I am worth more than what I can give to people, that I deserve being loved too."</p><p>Silence conquered the room, even Catra's tail stopped wiggling around. Then, it started again.</p><p>"You... you don't believe her?"</p><p>"I can't seem to."</p><p>For the second time Catra became silent for a few seconds, contemplating what was best to say. Her motivational speeches had never been that good anyway since it was usually Adora the one giving her encouraging words, but even the blonde's speeches weren't more than a dozen words. She's always been a dumb jock, let's face it. Spending her time training to become the perfect soldier everyone wanted her to be. </p><p>Catra was used to comfort her by hugging her or simply letting her know she was there to listen to if needed. Sometimes Adora actually accepted the offer, and so they spent sleepless nights like this: Adora venting and Catra listening. In dark days it was their moment of peace.</p><p>Adora rambled a lot, especially if she was expressing her feelings. The brunette theorized it was because she wanted to expel everything that was bothering her in the shortest possible time; Catra never asked her why she did that, she didn't know if Adora knew.</p><p>Maybe right now a hug wasn’t enough, but what were her choices? </p><p>Catra sat in the seiza position, the one Perfuma had care to teach her for doing meditation, and waited for Adora to stop looking away embarrassed and to start focusing more on her, the one she apparently chose to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and glue them together. She was staring at her so intensely Adora felt like her flesh was burning under her sight, so she sat on the bed too, scared of what would have come, and turned on the lamp so she could see something else rather than Catra’s eyes. </p><p>“I know what you will say to me, I am saying it to myself too. I know I deserve joy and happiness and love. I should deserve it, right? But it won’t change my mind. It’s like…” and there she was, rumbling again. Usually it helped her, but Catra had the feeling that the more she thought about what was hurting her, the more she would be falling into the darkness. “…the idea of being unworthy won’t leave my mind. Perhaps Shadow Weaver implanted this feeling so deep in my mind I will never recove-”</p><p>“Adora, stop it.” Catra interrupted. She stretched her arms towards her and gestured Adora to come near her and be hugged like Adora hugged her on the ship after healing her, like they used to do when they were kids. And the blonde once again was taking too much time to comply, slowed down as a damaged robot. Catra this time didn’t wait a moment more and pulled her beloved into her arms, squeezing her tight to her chest. </p><p>“If you won’t learn to love yourself, that only means I will love you more for both of us. You’re not lonely, Adora, you’ll never be.”</p><p>Rapid tears began to fall from Adora’s cheeks, soaking the pajamas Catra was wearing as she hid her face in the other’s collarbone, sobs breaking her breath. But this time she had Catra. They had each other.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! This is the first fanfiction I have ever posted on this site, hope you have enjoyed it! Honestly I don't like how I ended it, but I couldn't think of something else.<br/>Feel free to give me some tips and to review this work (please do so). If you want, give me some ideas for other fanfics.<br/>Also, let me know if there are some grammatical errors and I'll correct them. There could be some especially because english isn't my firts language and I am just learning it.</p><p>Bye! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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